砂之椅子

By Sara Schaefer
The markets are in turmoil. Pretty soon we’re going to be waiting in bread lines and getting a job as a door sweeper. To help manage the stress, why not put on a soothing yet invigorating playlist of music that will lift your spirits? After listening to these songs, you will surely feel more confident about that house/car/bank/website you just bought.

Alternate title for this list: 20 Songs The Today Show Should Play Whenever They Do A Segment About Minding Your Money. (Also, please enjoy the assortment of amazing, and relevant, stock photos I found.)

20. I Got Money by Lil Wayne
“I need a Winn-Dixie grocery bag full of money.” Yes. We all do.

19. Jesus Take The Wheel by Carrie Underwood
Sometimes it’s best just to let go and let God.

18. Fields of Gold by Sting
I hear that gold is doing really well right now.

17. Take The Money & Run by The Steve Miller Band
You’re right on top of that Rose! (No one will notice the petty cash is gone - go on, take the money and RUN!)

16. Greatest Love Of All by Whitney Houston
You lost your house, your job, and you’re living out of your car. But at least you have the greatest love of all. You.

15. Can’t Tell Me Nothing by Kanye West
Maybe this song helps you escape into the egomaniacal fantasy land of Kanye West. Or maybe it’s a message about living beyond your means. Either way - make sure you look really indignant when listening to this on your morning commute.

14. Every song by Rage Against The Machine
F******************CK EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

13. Another Day In Paradise by Phil Collins
Don’t forget, the majority of people in the world have it a lot worse than we do. And that Phil Collins is a f*cking genius.

12. She Works Hard For The Money by Donna Summer
Do you think it’s easy giving thirty to forty hand jobs a day??? You better treat me right!

11. Every song by Jewel
She lived out of her car you guys. She KNOWS what we’re going through.

10. Tub Thumping by Chumba Wumba
The economy gets knocked down…but it will get up again.

9. More by Madonna circa Dick Tracy
Denial is sometimes your only option.

8. Working for the Weekend by Loverboy
You’re in a job you hate, but you can’t leave because you have no other options. Your wife just left you, and your son won’t speak to you. That risky investment you made in the futures market just bottomed out, and you can’t seem to enough cocaine. But I’m telling you…just get through the week - because WEEKENDS ARE REALLY A LOT OF FUN!

7. Show Me The Way by Styx
Take me tonight, to the river, and drown me so I can be freeeeeeeeee-eeeeee!!!

6. Man In The Mirror by Michael Jackson
Self-explanatory.

5. My Heart Will Go On (Love Theme from Titanic) by Celine Dion
You’re stranded on a piece of debris in the middle of the icy waters…and you’re hanging on to your 401(k). Your 401(k) says to you, “Puh-puh-puh-puh-lease…n-n-n-n-never let g-g-go…,” and then, you realize, your 401(k) has died. BUT YOUR HEART WILL GO ON!

4. Come Clean by Hilary Duff
Sometimes you just want to escape to a simpler time. Liiiike when Laguna Beach was on and we had no idea who Spencer Pratt was.

3. Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems by Notorious B.I.G.
IF Mo Money = Mo Problems, THEN, No Money = No Problems. You’re welcome. They don’t call me Sara “Good Will Hunting” Schaefer for nothin’.

2. Chariots Of Fire Theme
Investing in the stock market is a marathon - not a sprint. Remember that.

1. My Little Buttercup by The Three Amigos
Because there’s never a time when this song ISN’T helpful. Though playing this on loop while drinking alone staring at a loaded pistol is not advisable.